why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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