Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
