I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Someone signed my nipple.
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