did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
even my farts smell like vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
