He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
