I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
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i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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