I must be too annoying 4 u.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
