I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
did i just pee glitter
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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