there's paper in my vomit.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
