I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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