wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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