I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She bit a glass in half.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
