got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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