I bet he comes in French.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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