In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Farmville is her only friend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
