Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
