apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize