i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
