No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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