I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
