I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
