Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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