Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
