Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
