Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
