How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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