Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
