I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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