Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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