Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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