He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
