I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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