i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize