your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize