My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
