I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
