Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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