My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize