i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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