yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
