Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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