Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
COCAINE IS GR8
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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