I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize