Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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