I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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