OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
