Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
