Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
