Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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