Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
