so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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