you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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