Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
