Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
