i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize