respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
