She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
