I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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