in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
