ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
